My Family

Last week a friend from my previous life when I practiced law in Central NY back in the 1990's emailed asking me to tell him a bit about my family. We haven't been in touch much over the years, but he's one of those friends with whom you can pick up contact again at any time and it feels like you're resuming a conversation from last week. Here's what I sent my old friend. My husband thinks I did a pretty good job of describing our family so I'm sharing it here.

The best insight into life at my house probably come from this blog; not that I write regularly but there are a few adventures here.

My husband is a mensch. He works hard and tries his best to be a good husband & father.  He truly is a nice person who is comfortable in his own skin and liked by most everyone he meets. When he isn't spending time at work or with me &/or our son, my husband prefers to spend his free time on his computer blowing away his operating system or on a multitude of geek projects (he has a soldering iron & does component level fixes). After 15 years together we continue to enjoy each other's company & we're still in love. We've settled into a comfortable daily routine that should last the rest of our lives because we try not to take each other for granted. The best thing about my husband is that he knows our son and I are the best parts of his life and the knowledge is mutual. I confess though that after a dozen Christmases of receiving coffee themed gifts (I like coffee but don't drink it religiously), I finally fessed up & told my husband enough with the coffee gifts. I didn't want to hurt his feelings because he tries so hard (and usually misses the mark), but like with most household &/or personal details that don't affect him (my husband hates coffee), he just didn't notice the stuff sat on a shelf. However, My husband can tell you in graphic detail exactly what I was wearing the first time we met. My husband thinks in pictures (movies actually rather than stills) and has a photographic memory. When paying attention (he has ADD) he can see things in vivid detail. I see green grass. My husband literally sees 15 shades of green. He makes life interesting.

Our son is amazing, but then I'm biased. Having autism makes navigating the world challenging, but our son is persistent. We used to marvel during his first two years that he was trying to explore the entire world in a day. Turns out that because of the autism our son is slow to develop the sensory filters most of us have and he tries to take in the world as if he were drinking from a fire hose. It was in his third year that our son really began being constantly overwhelmed by the world he is so intent on exploring. When not overwhelmed our son is a magical child. His laugh is infectious and people are automatically drawn to him. Contrary to myths about autism, our son always has been an affectionate child. The first time I held our son he smiled at me and his father (no it wasn't gas). Although he loves me very much, our son truly is his father's son and always has been. He wants to know how everything works and lately has begun building (his fine motor skills need much developing) things with help. Our son also is a climber but lacks a sense of danger. This morning I found him contently sitting on the shelf above our refrigerator (we have 12 foot ceilings) designed to hold baskets not boys. We're working on it! In April our son repeated vocalizations upon request for the 1st time. In addition to autism, he also has apraxia. Learning to talk is very slow going and very hard work (similar to the challenges of stroke patients who have apraxia) for our son, but his persistence is an advantage. He understands most of what we say (we're just not sure exactly how much because our son has neurologic processing issues as part of the apraxia) and we find out every day new things he already knows. Life with our son always is an adventure!

The last time I was in my hometown of Utica, NY was November 2000 right before our son was conceived. I won't be returning any time in the near future. Our son has serious problems with barometric pressure changes so he can't fly. Last spring we tried driving up Mt. Lemon outside Tucson and he was crying in pain half way up at about 7000 feet.  Plus all of my family moved from New York and is scattered around the country. Last month we had hoped to visit my parents who live a 26 hour drive away in Gulf Shores, AL but our son just isn't ready for a 3 day car journey. Maybe next year. In the meantime we'll continue practicing by staying overnight in local hotels and try the 6 hour drive to San Diego to visit the ocean. Our son keeps making slow, steady progress and we're keeping our fingers crossed.

Please let me know if you ever make it to Phoenix. Our home is always open to old friends from all over the country.