I Don't Know But We'll Find Out Together

The psychologist who 1st diagnosed my 19 month old son after observing him for 20 minutes was right, but we put no stock in her abilities because she did not follow the best practice diagnostic standard of care (a decade ago it was 2 observations, at least an hour each, a month apart) and her client interaction skills (with both child & parents) frankly sucked. So we waited 3 1/2 months for an appointment with the best developmental pediatrician in the Southwest who just happened to be employed at the same hospital as my husband. We knew he was the best because we had friends and contacts across the country vet his CV. While he isn't Oprah famous (his mentor T. Berry Brazelton is), his credentials are sterling. Before we could see the Great Man himself we saw his Fellow. This time the appointment was very different. The Fellow spent an hour on the floor trying to engage our son while speaking with his parents. We were impressed with her abilities and grateful for her patient interaction skills (with both child & parents), but my reaction when she told us that she was 90% certain the Great Man would diagnose our son with autism after the next month's appointment certainly did not communicate that. I was told later on that unfortunately my instinctive flip into cross examination mode blitzkrieged her. After our appointment she tearfully told the Great Man that she didn't think I liked her. While it certainly wasn't my finest professional moment as a litigator, especially one with a decade of experience daily navigating "the system" and duking it out in Family Court on behalf of my clients, I was simply doing what I needed to do at that moment on behalf of my son, my most important client, in the only way I was able (hence the caution about she who represents herself has an a$$ for an attorney). I needed immediate answers before I could fully process the diagnosis and proceed forward. In that moment my professionalism and the rules of good advocacy went out the window with everything else except pure maternal instinct. I come by my maternal instinct naturally. I am proud to be my mother's daughter. There is no question that if God ever allowed my mother to run the world all would be right. When we met with the Great Man I asked him what we could expect in our son's future. The Great Man told us he didn't know, but we'd find out together. This is the best gift (besides our son whom we affectionately describe as our greatest blessing; our greatest joy, our greatest responsibility and our greatest challenge) that anyone has ever given us. Not limiting our son's future makes all the difference for us as does understanding that even the best experts don't always have all the answers. Admitting he isn't omniscient but willing to stand beside his patients and their families as we work together (he obviously skipped God 101 in med school) to figure out how to help our child grow to his fullest possible potential is an integral part of what makes the Great Man the best. During the past decade I've exchanged experiences with parents of his other patients and when they asked him about their child's future, he told them the same thing; I don't know but we'll find out together. Much has changed in autism land in the past decade. We now know so much more about effective treatment and we have so much more reason to hope for our son's future. Because of the advice and guidance of the Great Man, our family has weathered difficult challenges clinging to hope no matter what; even despite the gospel according to some so called (and too often self proclaimed) experts. From the beginning my husband and I quickly learned to separate the wheat from the chafe and find the available treatments and services that worked best at that moment for our son. Through it all the Great Man remains right beside us on this journey just like he promised the day we first met him. Together we're discovering our son's future while helping him grow to his fullest potential, whatever that may be.