Waiting for the Other Shoe...

When we were dating my husband confided that one of the downsides of having Attention Deficit Disorder is that he spends life waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things improved after he began taking medicine almost 20 years ago and got even better when he married a wife who has his back and 99% of the time picks up his loose ends (even fixers are off their game once in a while). Yes, I was the annoying student and then the diligent lawyer who 99% of the time succeeded with hard work, talent and true grit always confident of my ability to at least get the job done. It wasn't until after our 19 month old son was diagnosed with autism that I truly began to understand my husband's world. Our son is unpredictable and needs care 24/7 especially when exploring the world. Impulsivity remains a challenge as does his sometimes unpredictable susceptibility to being overwhelmed and melting down with defensive behavior putting himself and others at risk for injury. Things have improved greatly for our son in the past two years but challenges still remain especially as he explores the world more. Because our son needs me to be hyper vigilant, I, too, spend my life waiting for that other shoe to drop or that door to close. Since our son began attending Chrysalis Academy 5 years ago I stopped waiting for the other shoe while he is in school unless the cell phone rings and the caller id says "Chrysalis Academy." It happened to me yesterday while I was in a meeting. Luckily the call was about a cancelled after school session not a problem with our son. However, until I walked out into the hall and returned the call, I felt myself dreading that other shoe. There are few places besides home, school and the homes of friends from the autism community who understand our challenges where we feel truly welcomed. When out in the rest of the world we don't take anything for granted because we know we could be a melt down away from a slammed door. This spring our family joined SpoFit, a fitness center especially for those with disabilities and their families. The staff and other members have been amazingly welcoming, tolerant and accommodating. However, you just never know. Last Tuesday our son was in the men's locker room with his father changing after swimming. Unbeknownst to me, my husband had been letting our son roam the men's locker room as long as he was dressed and within hearing distance. This time as his father was naked, our son left the locker room and decided to climb the SpoFit Rockwall two and a half stories to the top without a safety harness or someone belaying him. I was afraid that the SpoFit staff would decide that the liability was just too great and ask us not to return. Instead, the other shoe didn't drop and the door remains wide open. The staff recognized it was a misjudgment by a usually vigilant parent and offered to work with us to make sure that our son continues to grow while safely enjoying SpoFit. So, now we're all working on it!