A few weeks ago we decided our son was ready for us to resume the tradition of lighting an Advent Wreath. Waiting is a major challenge for him but he is making progress. We probably still have a metal Advent Wreath (our stateside replacement) and the German taper holders packed away with the breakable Christmas decorations we haven't seen since moving to AZ a decade ago, but rather than digging through long unopened boxes I visited the $1 Store. I bought 4 short pillar candles, (3 red and 1 white; they didn't have green in the German tradition or pink and purple either) and a tin plate decorated with a poinsettia picture. I completed the Advent Wreath with a flourish of double sided green and red satin ribbon from seasons past.
Last Sunday we lit 1 red candle. Our son didn't understand why we couldn't light the other 3 and was persistent in his insistence but maintained his self control. As a compromise we also lit an "everyday" pillar candle (we don't often light candles as we worry about safety) and he accepted the solution without major protest. Last night we lit the same red pillar along with a 2nd red one. We explained that it was the 2nd Sunday of Advent (my husband complimented his explanation by again showing our son the lit candles he drew for each Sunday on our wall calendar). In our house this is progress!
This weekend our son helped my husband put 2 strings of lights across the front of our house (for now the Santa and Friends Carousel for our front yard remains in the garage). We do just enough to participate in the festivities. Like most Phoenicians, over the next several weeks we'll enjoy evening drives exploring local neighborhoods searching for all the outdoor light displays.
Next week I'll spend a few days baking biscotti as gifts for friends. In my previous life I used to bake and give away over 500 cookies along with homemade ornaments. Courts aren't allowed to accept gifts and the judges before whom I practiced were sticklers for ethics. However, even they couldn't turn away a tray of homemade cookies for their staff especially when delivered Christmas Eve morning because I was there obligated to appear on behalf of my clients. Having the uninterrupted time to bake is a luxury for me and reminds me of those holidays past. It is a tradition to which I stubbornly cling and savor as I've had to let go of so many other holiday traditions that proved just too overwhelming given the needs of our son.
The weekend before Christmas we'll put up our tree with nonbreakable ornaments plus some other Christmas decorations including our son's Little People Nativity Compound (the wise guys weren't included in the Nativity Set and there was a deal if you also bought the Inn Set plus the Little Drummer Boy Set was only an extra $10) along with the silver figurine Nativity Set my brother and sister-in-law sent us our 1st Christmas in this house. They knew our son wasn't ready for us to display the hand painted ceramic set I originally gave to my mother in 1980. Even though our son has made amazing progress over the past few years, my mother's Nativity Set will remain in the box for at least another year.
We've learned to keep our holiday celebrations simple so as not to overload our son. We joke that we celebrate 12 Days of Christmas because even though we limit the number of his gifts, so far our son doesn't want to open all of his gifts on Christmas morning and we don't push him. There is no universal rule we choose to acknowledge that says he must. Our number one priority is for our son to enjoy the celebration so we just let go of what really isn't important and follow his lead.
Christmas Eve we'll celebrate with friends who over the years have become family, even though it isn't their holiday. They are Jewish and annually we share Passover with them even though it isn't our holiday. When we lived in Texas we shared our holiday celebrations with friends who happened to be Muslim and Hindu and they too invited us to their holiday celebrations. This year we'll spend the afternoon enjoying appetizers catered by Costco, Trader Joe's, Safeway and Fry's (including latkes & lox) rather than the big sit down fish dinners of my previous life in very Italian American East Utica. We'll light the Advent Wreath for our guests to enjoy along with having a roaring fire in our gas fireplace. We hope this year our son will be interested in learning to spin the dradle one of our friends brought him last year when Hanukkah and Christmas fell on the calendar together.
By necessity for our son we try to keep our celebrations as stress free and relaxed as possible, but the spirit always remains the same. It's all about celebrating with family!
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