In Danger of Becoming a Cliche

On Saturday my husband decided he was uncomfortable driving his 1996 Ford F-150 with the extended bed. The truck has been on its way out for over a year and he knew the end was near but he was milking it because we like to get our money's worth. The irony is that he had just finished spending the afternoon test driving new cars. So Sunday morning we drove to the SkyHarbor Hertz office (the only one we thought was opened on Sunday) and rented a 2013 Toyota RAV4 for a week. My husband agreed to buy an automatic (I don't drive stick) small SUV so, unlike his former truck that I never liked but he had to have, I can drive it too. After extensive research including my husband butt testing the driver's seat of almost every type small SUV, we settled on a 2012 RAV4 through the Hertz Rent 2 Buy program. Yesterday it became available and we picked it up. Turns out that if we returned the 2013 RAV4 yesterday we'd have to pay a daily rate that works out to be more expensive than the great weekly rate (even with the additional airport fees & taxes) we got. So, I get to drive the 2013 RAV4 for the next few days while my husband test drives the 2012 RAV4 before we purchase it.

Here I am a well educated professional woman who left the working world to raise a child; living in the suburbs now driving an SUV and even worse, enjoying the ride. My Ford Focus is the last bastion left between me and becoming the mom of a child with special needs version of a middle class suburban SUV driving soccer mom (we drive our kids all over town to therapies, special schools and doctor appointments rather than sports practices and play dates). Good thing I changed my political party registration a few years ago from Republican to Independent or the cliche would be complete! Seems both my political party and my church have swung too far right for me so I await them coming back to their senses from the safety of the suburbs and now the comfort of our new SUV.

The summer of 1985 after my first year of law school I dated an MBA student determined to be a CPA because he lived for golf and wanted to be able to afford the country club lifestyle in which he was raised. His father was a physician originally from my hometown (purely a coincidence) who became a NYS Assistant Commissioner of Health during the Rockefeller years because his wife raised enough money for Rocky's campaign. I first met his parents when we paid a curtesy call (we were on our way out for a fun evening) at his godparents' annual hoedown on their "farm" complete with a large white tent, china, silver, vichyssoise and only enough hay grown for the party decoration bales. The barn where the square dance complete with fiddle band and professional caller was held no longer was home to any horses and my boyfriend explained that his godfather, the head of the local VA Hospital, was paid not to grow crops. He first introduced me to his mother and then was pulled away to greet his godmother. His mother's first words to me were "so you're a med student" to which I replied, "no, I just finished my first year of law school" and then endured the longest two minute pregnant pause of my life as I waited for my boyfriend to return and rescue me. That summer the NYS Legislature (I spent 4 sessions while in school as a NYS Senate staffer) loudly debated med mal and tort reform. Lawyers were the sworn enemies of doctors especially in Albany where we lived! My boyfriend next introduced me to his father whose first words to me were "so I hear you just finished your first year of med school" and after my response of "I'm a law student," without missing a beat he replied, "don't worry, our middle son is a lawyer and we still speak to him." From that moment forward even though I was very under dressed in a jean skirt (yes, I was told it was a hoedown) and had never before tried vichyssoise, I again found my confidence and survived the rest of the evening. 

I next spent time with my boyfriend's parents on a trip to Tanglewood to hear the Boston Pops; my first time at a live professional orchestra concert. We were supposed to spend the day at the local amusement park (my preference) but his parents invited us to join them. After the concert they invited me to their home for a simple dinner. My mother raised me well so I asked if I could help and his mother asked me to set the table handing me dishes that I discovered in the following Sunday newspaper Filene's ad were Franciscan Ware Classics on sale for $120 a place setting. It was then that I informed my boyfriend that if he wanted Wedgewood and Waterford he'd have to purchase it himself because I had no interest. His immediate response was to ask if his mother gave me a tour of the dining room. She hadn't which explained my shock upon discovering the value of her 40 year old "everyday" dishes that probably were even more valuable 1st editions. It certainly was another world compared to the La Menu leftover plates gracing my student apartment kitchen cupboard.

Growing up my father was a boy scout professional. We always had enough but my mother's good china, service for 16, was purchased a plate at a time from Loblaws. I now have it although we don't use it because currently formal dinners with friends and family are too much for our son. At the holidays we buy fancy paper plates (no washing required) and put out casual pick food catered by Costco for gatherings with a few close, understanding friends. Our son is gaining patience and is less overwhelmed by crowds so maybe one day my mother's plates will come out of storage along with the Bohemian crystal my husband bought for less than $100 in Prague on the St. Charles Bridge when he first visited in the early 1990's a few years after the Berlin Wall fell. We joke that my husband is the only groom we know who came with his own crystal. My mother reminded me a few weeks ago when I complained about something old my son broke that possessions are only things, replaceable and not what is really important. This outlook toward material possessions along with permission not to expect myself to be a perfect parent are among the most wonderful gifts my mother has given me.

I never was motivated to become an attorney by the lure of a large salary or a corner office. Dating the future CPA only solidified my convictions about the life I didn't want. I actually was very lucky we never got married even though his parents loved me. I was a young, well educated aspiring professional who was Catholic with hometown values; their perfect criteria for a future daughter-in-law. Chances are within 5 years I would have been miserable and divorced with at least one child as I discovered fidelity just wasn't my boyfriend's strong suit. It isn't surprising I began my career at Legal Aid and was known among my colleagues as a street lawyer prepared to brawl when necessary on behalf of my clients. From seventh grade (when I first decided to become an attorney) onward my passion for the law was motivated by my desire to help secure justice for ordinary people.

Even though I no longer actively practice law, my concern remains the same. I often share my advocacy experience with other parents and encourage them as they navigate the healthcare, education and social service delivery systems. It isn't the middle class families like mine for whom I am most concerned. We have the education and resourcefulness to find a way to get our children what they need. Since the 2009 Great Recession draconian state budget cuts to the social service safety net I've done my best to remind people about those who have no one to successfully navigate "the system" on their behalf. I worry most about the undiagnosed child with autism living in poverty born into a family for whom English isn't their primary language. While I always first speak for my son, I also feel obligated to speak for those children facing even more obstacles to receiving treatment and services. 

For many years I've felt just a little bit uncomfortable spending money. It took me some time to adjust after getting married to not earning any money (I first began working at 15 to save for college) even though I came into our marriage with a little savings along with my student loans and my husband came into it with a decent salary but more debt. Over the years my husband's salary has more than doubled and my student loans are paid off as is his debt. We're even saving a bit for retirement. Although I am not as frugal as I once was, my husband teases me that I still am a "cheap" date unimpressed by price alone. My husband works hard for the money he earns and my enjoying the comfortable, but not too comfortable, lifestyle it affords us is a point of pride for him. Although he grew up in suburbia; the child of parents who chose to do what was necessary to live in the "right" neighborhood, his priorities of safety and just enough comfort align much more with my upbringing than his own. This material balance comes more naturally to my husband and parents while I continue slowly growing more comfortable with it. My husband and I still remain acutely aware that although we currently are in a much different financial position than most, one layoff, one illness and there but for the Grace of God our fate becomes very different. Being laid off along with a third of my law school classmates from my legal dream job turned nightmare during the 1990 Recession plus spending a year with my husband laid off after the 2001 Recession triggered the Dallas Telecom Corridor meltdown are life lessons never to be forgotten. However, today I'm going to contine enjoying to drive the 2013 RAV4 until we return it tomorrow and once in a while I might even treat myself to driving our new 2012 RAV4 instead of my beloved Ford Focus.

Forever Friends

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. High school made the 9th school I attended thanks to my father's frequent job transfers and once landing in a growing school district that rezoned our neighborhood several times.  Later I threw in a couple of colleges and law school just to make it an even dozen; then there are the relos to 3 states and a foreign country made to advance my husband's career. Early on I became comfortable in my own company and quickly learned to size up people and wait to meet the right friends for me rather than just settling for any available connection. The summer before my freshman year of high school I was blessed to meet such a friend. Every morning we walked a mile and half to school together. As is often the case we went our separate ways after high school and lost touch until we reconnected these many years later through the magic of FaceBook. We now live on different coasts but she brightens my day with her favorite cat pics (I ignore the spiders), many sent especially for my son who enjoys checking out my FaceBook account. I love reading her posts about her current adventures. Her life is surrounded by the love of her family (she and her husband have 3 wonderful adult children), friends and multiple pets. The one thing that hasn't changed is her heart of gold. Growing up she had a challenging life but she never let adversity harden her heart. Today she is a charitable whirlwind in her small community; that "go to" force who organizes everyone around her to help those in need. I'm not surprised because all those years ago I immediately saw her innate goodness and was blessed when she welcomed this new kid as an old friend. Last night I learned that I'll have the opportunity to pay that long ago kindness forward. A "child by choice" of hers (a close friend of one of her children) begins college here in the next few days. The least I can do is deliver some home baked cookies for her. She'd do the same for me because that's just how it is with forever friends.

Last night I also spoke with a local friend who is a more recent acquaintance. She reminded me that we first met a few years ago at an autism conference (I had forgotten) when I offered her encouragement as she coped with her child's recent autism diagnosis. I didn't remember because that's just how it works. A decade ago when I needed encouragement and guidance a friend was there for me and over the years has even become a "family member by choice." Our families celebrate holidays together including the ones that aren't ours. We join her table for Rosh Hashanah and Passover and her family joins us for Christmas Eve and Easter. She and a couple of other forever friends are my son's surrogate aunts. They are his fierce adopted godmothers who help us look out for his best interest while showering him and us with love.

No matter where I go I am blessed with the penchant to meet amazing people. Everyone has a story and my life is immeasurably enriched by each of them every time I remember to listen, recognize their kindred spirit and accept the gift of their friendship no matter the reason or how long the season. Sometimes I get really lucky and our bond even stands the test of time and distance picking up wherever we last left off when our paths again cross as they inevitably do.

“The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. It’s overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt.” 

― Leo Buscaglia

God's Plan

Every time a well meaning person justifies life by telling me that everything happens according to God's Plan, I just want to kick their God's a$$. I've been extremely "blessed." I have the resources within myself necessary to cope with all the challenges that I've encountered in life and even to learn from those experiences. For me, I say to that God, "Bring it on!" However, my son and and all of the other innocent children, are another story. My first few weeks practicing in Family Court quickly taught me that some things are beyond my ken. I stopped asking "Why" and relied on my faith to see me through. 

Life isn't easy and it isn't fair. Much of life may be beyond my ken, but I refuse to believe in a God who would purposely make innocent children or anyone else suffer just so they provide others with the opportunity to learn from their experiences or for some other inane reason. I believe in the God of Love who does not micromanage in order to teach us lessons.

Dignity Health, my husband's employer, believes that Human Kindness (https://hellohumankindness.org/) is the Humanity that connects us all and recently launched a campaign to remind us of this. Human Kindness is powerful medicine and we already are kind. I believe in the miracle of Human Kindness because I know the God of Love dwells within each of us. I am reminded of this truth every time I remember to look for God in someone else's eyes; especially the eyes of those I love. Our eyes truly are the windows to our souls. Our challenge is to share God's Love found within each of us with one another so we each can better deal with a life that isn't easy or fair. That's God's plan.

In Defense of Marriage

September 5th is our 15th wedding anniversary. The traditional gift is crystal. To tell the truth, I'm hoping my husband has my diamond reset into an anniversary ring. I'm sick of wearing 2 rings (it's irritating when they rub together) and like many women, I think I'm ready to move from yellow to white gold; maybe add a sapphire (my favorite stone) to either side. It's funny because I'm not really a jewelry person. In my previous life I wore rings, a watch, necklaces and bracelets daily with my suits but jewelry just doesn't fit with my current life. 

When my husband bought my diamond the clerk told him that 1/3 carat was a wonderful starter ring. My husband laughed and explained that the clerk obviously didn't know me. I sent my husband to the jeweler with a strict budget (I still can't imagine spending too much for a rock I wear on my finger) and what I think is the ideal size (I didn't want it too big because I wanted to wear it 24/7). I have no intention of ever trading up diamonds or husbands. As a matter of fact, it took me 9 months of being engaged before I was even ready for a diamond. My original engagement ring is a simulated sapphire he bought at Sam's Club. I fell in love with the ring (he didn't think it was expensive enough) then dragged him to a dozen jewelry stores looking for something I liked better but to no avail. I wanted what I wanted. My mother gave him a hard time that the first ring wasn't a diamond and demanded he put a diamond on my finger before my wedding shower so he did and by then I finally was ready to wear it.

According to the US General Accounting Office there are 1,138 benefits of marriage in Federal Law (http://www.gao.gov/new.items/d04353r.pdf). Each state also confers legal benefits of marriage. While I certainly am not worried about the health of my marriage, reality is that those Federal and AZ State benefits of marriage protect me. Living in a Community Property State my husband can't just walk away with our assets (not that he would) regardless of whose name is on the title. BTW, our only single titled asset is his truck and he's welcome to it. Circumstances early on in our marriage (we wanted children and my biological clock was ticking loudly) made the most sense that we make decisions that promoted my husband's career. It was a foreign country, two states and landing on the opposite coast before we settled here in the desert for the past decade. Given the needs of our son combined with my husband's wonderful ability to make enough money to support us at the level to which I am entitled to become accustomed (before we were married my husband was told by the Most Rev. James M. Moynihan, the 9th Catholic Bishop of Syracuse, that this is his marital obligation), I have yet to resume my career. However, this leaves me economically vulnerable. 

After a decade of advising clients, I did not take my own advice. I did the exact opposite. We immediately commingled all assets and debts. I used the inheritance from my grandmother (Gram would approve) to help purchase our home. I have no separate account "just in case." I am not employed. I even took his last name. It was important to him and there was no economic benefit to keep my established professional name as I had already closed my law practice and left my hometown. A decade in Family Court and a lifetime observing my parents and grandparents taught me that in the most successful marriages, both partners are "all in." It is a partnership where everyday both parties have everything to lose and everything to win together. Fifteen years ago we held hands and jumped off the cliff together into the great unknown. Despite ignoring my own professional advice, it was the best decision I ever made. Maybe what set me apart from my clients is that I entered marriage with my eyes wide open and the knowledge that no matter what comes our way, I retain the ability and the drive to support us. A dozen years ago when my husband was laid off for a year after the Dallas Telecom Corridor melted, I took a part time evening/weekend job while he retrained and spent his days looking for work. Today our circumstances are very different. Luckily we survived the Great Recession without a layoff. After a decade of volunteering in the disability community I have established a strong local professional network and can restart my career whenever we choose.

In June the US Supreme Court struck down the Defense of Marriage Act opening the door to the legalization of same sex marriage. This decision doesn't deminish the advantages to my marriage of those 1,138 Federal legal benefits or of the AZ State conferred legal benefits of marriage. We retain the same exact legal protections. What it does is extend those 1,138 Federal legal benefits of marriage to a previously excluded group of people who, like us, love one another and are committed to be "all in" everyday with each partner having everything to lose and everything to win. Like the majority of Americans, gay marriage is personal to me. For the past 15 years I've watched my brother-in-law struggle to find the right someone with whom to share his life. Now when he finally does, he is entitled the same 1,138 Federal legal protections as his brother and me. 

Point of View

I regularly spend time treading water, both literally and figuratively. While my son is in school I try to exercise in the SpoFit (http://www.spofit.org) pool. It is my opportunity to workout while relaxing; kind of like golf but without the desire to throw my clubs before the 19th hole. Often my pool time also includes a conversation. My fellow SpoFitters are some of the most interesting people I've had the privilege of meeting. Each of them, including staffers, has their own amazing story. 

As I tread water, I also enjoy observing those around me. One of the SpoFit lifeguards is deaf. While it challenging for us to engage in deep conversations when I'm in the water (I can't get close enough to properly understand her pronunciations), I've learned much watching her do her job. Until I met her, it never occured to me that seeing, not hearing (drowning is a silent killer) is most important to a lifeguard. She sees everything and pays attention to even the slightest movements. She knows where everyone in her aquatics area is at all times and exactly what they are doing each moment. In many ways, I think (her boss agrees) we're safest when she is on duty. I always make sure we make eye contact before I enter the pool because she can't hear the locker room door. When I exit the building on my way to the parking lot I look for her on the other side of the fence and make sure I smile and wave big so she knows how much her work means to me and, because, she is my friend. While these accommodations are very minor for me, they make it easier for her to do her job.

The past 5 months we've spent too much time at the hospital and in doctors' offices. My son the medical zebra is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Since his birth when we returned him to the hospital 24 hours after his discharge, he has been a challenge for doctors to treat. Unfortunately, during the past decade too many doctors blamed his pain on "autism" and dismissed his pain rather than making reasonable accommodations for him so they could give him much needed proper diagnosis and treatment. His intense head pain was dismissed for 9 years because he can't say, "My head hurts." He threw up for the past 4 months at least 3 times a week (for a month it was every day even while on Zofran) yet he wasn't given the GI consult we requested (not even when he was inpatient twice). A few weeks ago I filed a complaint with several Federal and State agencies asking them to investigate that the hospital discriminated against my son because he has autism and because the hospital would only make reasonable accommodations for him based upon staff convenience and immediate availability rather than pre-arranging reasonable accommodations based upon his needs. We're hoping that will change especially since I cold called the hospital risk management department (yes, sadly I still needed to make the call after I filed my complaint). My son had an outpatient procedure done and thanks to the intervention of risk management, reasonable accommodations were pre-arranged. He did amazing! Funny how that works.

Unfortunately it looks like this is just the beginning. My son has been diagnosed with a few conditions that can't be blamed on "autism" (although they don't yet know the underlying cause) and he requires follow up medical care in several of the hospital outpatient clinics. Reasonable accommodations aren't rocket science. They just require that people imagine someone else's point of view. I have the risk management department number in my cell phone because I realize that some of us have better imaginations than others. I also understand that some medical providers are better than others at working together to provide their patients with comprehensive, coordinated care. However, they now have no choice. Trust me, things will change and my son will get the comprehensive, coordinated high quality care promised by the hospital marketing materials. I promise that I am either going to be their best friend or their worst nightmare.

"I was fifteen years old when I understood how it is that things break down: people can't imagine someone else's point of view." US Supreme Ct. Justice Sonia Sotomayor, My Beloved World, 2013

Celebrating Mother's Day

Sunday we're going to Wendy's for lunch. My son will enjoy his usual regular chicken nugget value meal with root beer. I'll probably enjoy a side salad as I can eat it leisurely in the 15 minutes that currently is my son's attention limit (with the assistance of his iPad). The rest of the day most likely we'll  spend time in the pool (yes it's still cold!) and go for a drive. Maybe we'll even stop at Walgreens. Please understand, I'm not complaining. For my son, sitting down to eat at Wendy's is progress and we will be celebrating on Sunday! As always, we'll enjoy our time together.

I just read a blog post by another mother raising a child with autism who confessed to regretting trying to "cure" her child's autism. While she certainly is entitled to her own feelings, I just don't share them. My husband and I haven't spent the last almost 12 years trying to "cure" our son's autism. We've spent that time trying to find needed medical care, therapies, educational supports and services for our son and will continue to do so until he is a self sufficient, self supporting adult who no longer needs our support and guidance. We don't like the way having autism leaves our son in pain and limits our son's ability to interact with the world and therefore limits his opportunities. We don't like the way it has affected and limited our lives either and if we had a choice it certainly wouldn't be for our son to be chronically in pain, unpredictably defensive toward others (especially us), unable to effectively communicate his needs let alone complex thoughts and with no way yet in sight for much needed relief. When my husband said last night that he "hates autism," he spoke for both of us. If our son had cancer, diabetes, epilepsy (as of a few weeks ago he now has an official diagnosis), HIV, polio, cerebral palsy, was deaf, blind or had any other condition that severely limited his life, we'd hate that too. We understand that our son's autism is unique to him and that Autistics (as they prefer to be addressed) who can effectively communicate their thoughts to the rest of us celebrate their biodiversity and embrace their differences. To them we say "that is your right" just as it is our right to hate our son's manifestation of autism for what it does to our wonderful, amazing child. 

So, while we recognize Autistics' right to their opinions and their right to speak for themselves and we even agree that some national and local autism organizations patronize Autistics rather than empowering them to be self advocates who are in charge of their own lives as much as they are able, my husband and I will continue hating the autism in our house. We will continue finding needed medical care, therapies, educational supports and services for our son while empowering him to advocate for himself as much as he is able until he is a self sufficient, self supporting adult who no longer needs our support and guidance. We readily admit that we may never strike that perfect balance between being supportive and being protective (we're parents), but it won't be for lack of love, good intentions (yes, I know all about the road to hell) and trying. We'll also continue supporting those patronizing autism organizations that support autism research because our son desperately needs relief from pain and from the limitations his manifestation of autism places on his life. Those organizations certainly are not perfect, but like us, they are trying to help our son with their research and right now they are all we've got to help find our son much needed relief.

On Sunday, as we enjoy our time at Wendy's, my husband and I will continue doing our best to be the parents our son needs us to be just as we've done since the day we discovered I was pregnant with him. This is the life that chose us and each and every day we are grateful for the privilege of being our son's parents. It remains a wonderful world especially in all its challenge, complexity, confusion and messiness.

Coalition Building

"What is a Coalition?
In simplest terms, a coalition is a group of individuals and/or organizations with a common interest who agree to work together toward a common goal. That goal could be as narrow as obtaining funding for a specific intervention, or as broad as trying to improve permanently the overall quality of life for most people in the community. By the same token, the individuals and organizations involved might be drawn from a narrow area of interest, or might include representatives of nearly every segment of the community, depending upon the breadth of the issue."
The Community Tool Box (see http://ctb.ku.edu/en/tablecontents/sub_section_main_1057.aspx)

Maybe it's my self confidence born from the strength of my own opinions (an asset or a character flaw depending upon whom is judging), my pragmatic nature tempered by my legal training, or a fusion of all, but I see great value in agreeing to disagree while acknowledging that others have the same legitimate right to their own opinions. It doesn't mean that I think I am any less "right" or they are any less "wrong." It means that we afford each other enough respect so that on those issues where we can find common ground we work together and on those issues we can't, we don't.

I learned early that principles come with a price and as long as I was willing to pay the price I was welcome to my principles. I understand that going along to get along is of great value and am willing to do so on matters that aren't bedrock to me. My dilemma is that so much of life is bedrock to me and compromising my principles just isn't worth the price. For better or worse, I have values that are important to me but sometimes make sense to no one else including my husband. There is much about which we agree (especially our core values) and much about which we disagree. So far (we'll be married 15 years in September) my husband and I love and respect each other enough to agree to disagree. I do realize that I am fortunate I can afford my principles. Unlike too many people in the world, I've always had enough. I don't know what is like to choose between my principles and my next meal or a roof over my head and I'm certainly not anxious to find out.

However, there are opportunities I've declined and others I've walked away from when agreeing to disagree was not an viable option either because the other party wouldn't or couldn't, or because even if we did agree to disagree, our positions on the issue were just too far apart for me to continue productively working together on that issue. This doesn't preclude me from working together with them on other issues, but when all is said and done, the advice of Shakespeare's Polonius, "This above all: to thine own self be true," works best for me. I work very hard not to make it "personal" and most of the time succeed including working with individuals I don't necessarily like but with whom I share a common goal.

The advantage of working with someone like me, especially when coalition building, is that you always know where you stand. I've never had time for head games nor the memory to consistently lie convincingly. When "it is what it is" I don't have to keep stories straight or remember which version of "the truth" I told to whom. For me it isn't personal, it just is. Years ago, my dad, who spent much of his career working in human services, told me that if I was in the human services field because I expected to find self fulfillment and gratification from the opinions of others, I needed to find another field. My self fulfillment should come from my knowing that I did a job well done and not from what others think of me. My dad's career advice simply was an extension of my upbringing where it was ingrained in me (either naturally or by my parents) that what mattered most was competing with myself to be the best I possibly could rather than competing with my peers. The older I get, the more this rings true.

For the past decade while dealing with the challenge of raising a child with autism who also has chronic health issues that allude diagnosis let alone treatment, I've spent my spare time advocating within the Arizona Autism Community, the Disability Community and the Community at large while building my own network of people interested in working together to improve the lives of those affected by autism and other developmental disabilities. Too often it can prove to be a daunting challenge given the diverse make up of the Autism Community where the very vocal members (including parents, autistics and professionals who work in the field) fiercely and passionately hold fast to their opinion of "the truth" as they experience it further complicated because there are far more unknowns than knowns about autism. However, I have a penchant for ferreting out resources and talents others hide just below the surface and knitting them together to advance our common cause. Again, depending upon whom is judging, this talent is either an asset or a character flaw. I once had a boss who commented that I had no problem taking other's ideas and running with them while always being sure to credit the original source. He didn't mean it as a compliment, but it was the most flattering thing he ever said about me. I don't advocate and coalition build within the Autism Community because I think others will be "grateful" or because it is my mission to "save" others. I do it because it needs to be done and sharing my resources (skills, experience and knowledge) with others adds much value to the hard work I do navigating "the system" on behalf of my son and our family in order for us to receive the supports and services we need. My self gratification continues to come from a job well done.

The development and evolution of social media affords us an amazing coalition building vehicle. I'm not sure how many people read my ramblings on this blog (I confess that not only am I not good at blogging regularly but I also am not marketing my blog beyond my own FaceBook posts). However, for the past decade I've participated in a few local online support groups (yahoogroups.com and more recently FaceBook) that I've personally found very helpful. I also sit on the Board of the AZ Autism Coalition, a nonprofit lacking bricks and mortar whose mission is to work together for systems change to improve the lives of those living in Arizona affected by autism. We provide resources and enable advocacy through social media (website, FaceBook, LinkedIn and Twitter), conferences and public meetings especially when public policy issues arise for which the members of the Autism Community need reliable information and an opportunity to meet and network (both in person and online) with one another so that we can work together for a common cause. We members of the AZ Autism Coalition don't always agree, but we work hard to "agree to disagree" and afford each other enough respect so that on those issues where we can find common ground we work together and on those issues we can't, we don't.